The problem with therapy sessions lately is that I have so many issues they just pour out. I don't even know if I've managed to tell all I wrote below, which anyway I've mostly forgotten. But at the end of the session I managed to tell her about my fear of losing my identity if I stop fighting, and she said I won't if I fight for myself.
So I replied it's hard to fight for myself if I feel like shit, but at that we stopped because it's a cat chasing its own tail.
I'm not sure if she told me I should demand from her to make me better or if I shouldn't, but tomorrow I'll see her psychiatrist colleague and we'll talk about it again. We talked about the interesting concept of alliance - that I should ally with my family even while I disagree with them, I should ally with the docs which clearly is still a confused issue, and I should ally with myself which is the hardest thing.
I did pitch the idea of bringing my father to therapy, but for the moment we left it on the back burner. I had the feeling that even the doc underestimates the hostility between my parents. Am I afraid for their physical safety only because I'm afraid of everything? Am I trying to defuse the situation wrongly?
Low battery and it's my bus stop. Stay tuned...