Last night I had a panic attack, broadcast live on Twitter. Now I'll explain you why.
1. I was away from home. Nothing to do about it, every time I take a risk. No matter how nice the hosts can be, I still feel defenceless.
(Yhe Mossad thing is about them being conspiracy theorists - It Has Always Been Someone Else. Not that it's an excuse.)
2. Just say no. Best nugget of wisdom I learned last night. I knew I was prejudiced towards the movie, based on what I've heard. It's not a crime if a person avoids things she thinks can hurt her; it gets annoying if she writes about it or tries to convince others, not having seen the movie. I had kept my feelings private.*
But if I had just said "Look, I don't feel like watching this movie," we would have watched "The Departed" which I love! (we've talked about yesterday.) I shouldn't have felt like I offended them by not watching the movie.
3. Religion. This is clearly one of my worst triggers. When people mock the things I believe in, I feel threatened in a way I can't even describe. But surely...
4. I feel different and wrong and I want to die or at least hurt myself. When I reach this stage I'm too far gone to stop.
5. My friend meant "Life is a fuckery" in a complete opposite way from how I understood it. I was too far gone.
Maybe yesterday's experience and the support of my friends have taught me to stop before I reach this stage. My life is a sparring ground and I'm sorry for those who happen to be close by.
* So I apologize with Twilight fans.