MY GOT REVIEWS - Summary
Written by: D&D
Directed by: Brian Kirk
This review will be shorter since I didn't *gasp* like the ep all that much. One general consideration. The reason why this Blackfish fan is upset is easy to guess (even though she knew). Others will find it stupid, but maybe they are the same people who go berserk over the lack of direwolves or San-San. When they don't degenerate in gratuitous, short-sighted nitpickery, such complaints show that GRRM managed to touch many different persons in many different ways, to the point that they are ready to raise hell over the part that moved them so.
Butt scoreboard (over the whole series):
- 2 female
- 2 male
- Bonus: 1 peepee
(Criteria: Frontal female nudity does not impress me. We see boobs everywhere around here, and all the rest is naturally hidden. But I resent it when more female than male butts are shown. So we're improving.)
Meh scenes:
- The Bloody Gate. It's official: I hate Ser Not Brynden Tully. I'm worried about how badly I'm taking it. The fact that Ser Not Brynden Tully is quite hot does not help. That's one of my absolute favourite scenes in the book, and I did not expect that actually seeing the new version would be such a nightmare, especially when Ser Not Brynden Tully raises his visor and we don't see "the laughter in his deep blue eyes".
- Theon-Roz: am I the only one to be utterly bored by sex Dothraki-style? Also the Twitter mention of a peepee made me hope for more than Theon's. Not a bad sight, just meh. Beds are outmoded in lovemaking, it seems.
- Loras-Renly (heresy). I found it absolutely brilliant and not gratuitous, until the two started making out and all I could think was "Renly has a sticky armpit!" Then Loras kneels and almost lays his cheek on Renly's groin, and I found it tender and romantic until we got a stereo BJ. Boom goes the atmosphere. Appreciate the mention of Stannis, however - "the personality of a lobster", ha.
The rest was awesome.
Ned-Barristan. BARRISTAN IS HOT. I've had a thought about the Barristan-Arstan problem: Ian McElhinney looks balding with his hair combed forward, and he could appear completely bald as Arstan to confuse viewers. Interesting reference to Ned having "cut down a dozen great knights". (TOJ hint?) Love Ned pushing his hair behind his ear, such a human gesture. The Silent Sisters taking care of Hugh, nice touch.
Ned-Robert: These two together are amazing. What will S2 be made of? (I have some ideas beginning with B.) I like Lancel too - another blond Lannister around, to drive the fair-haired point home. Notice the stag helm in the corner.
Famous tourney scene. Bit hurried? Maybe because we'd seen already half of it, maybe because it's so isolated (no melee, no other participants). Loras deliciously smug. The Hound is incredible, falling on his knee at just the right moment, then totally embarrassed. Sansa is clearly computing his actions vs. what LF told her. What is a true knight, the one who knows his mare is in heat or the disfigured one standing in front of you and claiming "I'm no ser"? She still looks clueless, but watching her on the long way to understanding will be a treat. I love how Gregor snorts. When he leaves, the Kingsguard on the right looks TINY. I know Conan Stevens is huge, but - Arya, is that you?
Cat-Tyrion. I hate Marillion already and love Bronn. Great chemistry with The Dinklage. "A Lannister always pays his debts!" Tyrion has too many great lines to quote. And a lot of pent-up rage, seeing how he uses that shield. Great scene.
And the Lannister quote is a great segue into the Bran scene. I pity that poor metal Tully pin in Bran's hands. (One of Cat's pins?). I can understand the boy's rage. I quite like sarcastic Maester Luwin, and how he makes Bran smile in the end. Then we segue on Theon's OTHER marksmanship skills, already touched upon.
Arya - feisty cuteness to the max. Tries to catch the cutest cat on Westeros, ends up in Balerion's jaws and spies on Varys and Illyrio. (No opinion on this one, I never got it in the books either.) We hear a summary of the Arryn investigations: Robert's bastards, the book... Then Arya runs away, and yes, we DO get how much she looks like a boy. Especially to Yoren. I like Yoren, who rode hard to tell Ned that Cat captured Tyrion. $hit, that yonder is a fan.
GRRR BLOODY GATE GRRR. The Eyrie is a bit underwhelming, but I understand practical limitations. Lysa's breast was luckily prosthetic, although it did not squick me like sticky armpits; for the rest they were perfect. If Lysa changes hairdo, she could be a really pretty Tully lady.
Meanwhile, Ned-Varys. Poor Jory gets the first of many doors shut in his face. Love the clutter on Ned's desk, including a toy horse - a gift for Bran or Rickon? Varys is not really like I imagined him, personality-wise, but it's an interesting interpretation: he almost looks like a good guy, especially when he acts all moral to LF! "Council businessssss," LOL.
But the Varys-LF scene felt too long: after a while I ceased to follow all the second- and third-guessing and mutual upstaging. One wonder: is Tumblestone an actual place, beside being one of the two rivers surrounding Riverrun?
Small Council. We get confirmation that Jorah is one of Varys' little birds (a pretty little thing indeed!) $hit, meet fan. All considered, Ned decides to get the hell out of Dodge. Jory all helpful and sweet and cute. But LF has one last piece of business...
Cersei-Robert: The actors are incredible, but I'm really looking forward to see where they are going with this "merely dysfunctional" interpretation of a totally screwed-up, non-existent couple. Also, this scene strikes me as too long too. On 3rd viewing, I noticed the saying "he's not serious enough" about Jaime, just as Theon was "a very serious boy" for Roz. Is it wrong that I hear "screamers" and I think of Starscream? "I can't even remember what she looked like" and the music gave me goosebumps. Robert's "no" was truly scary to me.
The final duel. Another dark-haired piece of the puzzle. Poor Jory should have stayed with the whore. I'll miss him. I knew what was coming, still I felt bad. Nobody likes to see the death of a favourite character, especially when so gruesome. You may wonder why I read GRRM; so do I, at times.
I loved the love Jaime was showing for his brother. Was there a shade of regret on Jaime's face when he killed Jory? Probably not, but he was decidedly incensed when the guard wounded Ned. I hoped he'd take off his head (the guard's, not Ned's, OF COURSE).