These two wanted a word. I'll explain later. W: So you're my cousin's guardian angel. (Vulgar idiot.) N: So you're your cousin's lover. (Jerk.) W: By God, Sir! My cousin is a respectable woman! And anyway we're thrice removed. N: Your cousin is an adult and can make a mess of her life as she wishes, but if you hurt her, I'll kill you slowly and painfully! W: You and whose army? Oh yeah, His army. (snickers) N: No, with my BARE HANDS! W: Now don't shout. We're supposed to be gentlemen. ME: Guys, guys... wait! I was just wondering if I could write a slash fic about you. W&N: A what? ME: A slash fic. Er. A story where, uhm, boys kiss boys. W: A bugger story?!? N: A what? ME: No need to be rude. It would be soft and romantic. W: (collapses on the floor, laughing) N: What would be soft and romantic? ME: The bugg... the boy-kiss story I want to write about you. N: About me? ME: No! About both of you. You and him. W: (still rolling on the floor, hitting it with his fists) N: You want me to kiss HIM? ME: Well... not just like that. There would be some preparation, some atmosphere. N: But why??? ME: Because it's fun! N: What? He's a snotty conceited know-it-all English snob and he smells like his horse! Where's the fun in that? W: (still on the floor) ... smells... like... horse... HE tells me... ME: Well, it would be fun for me. (glances disdainfully at W) As for him, I suppose I know what he thinks about it. W: (begins rising from the floor, dusting his clothes and panting) Really, my dear... you could not pick a more unlikely pair... me and this dirty ignorant boisterous French scoundrel... N: (haughtily) My mom was German. ME: But think of the possibilities... opposites attract... overcoming differences... N: The answer is no! I won't kiss him. W: Oh yeah? (plants a kiss on N's lips) There, my dear, you have your story. See you. (leaves) ME: (shakes her head) Contrary as usual. N: ... what? ME: Oh, get lost. |