Sane Inside Insanity: THE FINAL CUT

lunedì, giugno 28, 2010

THE FINAL CUT

The best thing of my life right now is going home tonight and seeing the Commando for the first time. She's a female cat. I'll explain later, hopefully with a pic of the little strumpet - er, unfortunate.

For the rest I've hit rock bottom, detonated it and started digging deeper, not at all near to bursting out the other side like I was telling a friend yesterday.

I'm having a crying fit with no possible reasons. Oh yeah, I have reasons, but nobody's dead, and yet if you saw me now you'd think I'd lost my whole family and pack of friends to some catastrophe. I'm just tired, frustrated, humiliated, scared, unable to hide my failures to my folks and terrified of seeing their faces.

But another good thing I'll do up there will be the second part of my haircut, the one that will take away all the red hair. My hair has been growing steadily grey since my first year at the Uni. It's time to acknowlege it. I'll have a Marine cut for some days, but who cares.

And then, of course, I hope I'll have enough strength to finish my last translation and close this part of my life. I so wanted to go up there "on holiday" but no way, my brain said no. How do you force a brain to do what it doesn't want to do? I'm about to discover it.

And then SIMPLIFY MY LIFE.

Dear Robin Hobb said, quoting someone else, that "If you CAN not be a writer, then you SHOULD not be a writer." Meaning, if writing is not your whole life and soul, give it up. Writing IS my life and soul, but I'll apply this phrase to all the rest of my life too. Can I do without something? Then I WILL do without it.

This will NEVER apply to my friends. I've gone out 3 out of 3 days, but I don't regret it. There is nothing like friendship. I realize that I've been very cruel to men in the posts below. If I were a man and had written the same about women, I'd be crucified. And this, in itself, is sexism. But this would get too long for this post. I like my male friends, truly. It's just that right now romance makes me puke, and if you want to do me a kindness, don't talk about it.

Pasta, blogging, crying and Ceres made me feel a little better. Talk to you later, maybe even in Italian, maybe with good news.

QUOTES

Heart shall be bolder,
harder be purpose,
more proud the spirit
as our power lessens!
Mind shall not falter
nor mood waver,
though doom shall come
and dark conquer.
(The Battle of Maeldon, translated by Tolkien)

He who has a treasure, or a demon in his heart, cannot hide it. (King Theodoric the Great)

I' mi son un che, quando
Amor mi spira, noto, e a quel modo
ch'e' ditta dentro vo significando.
(Dante Alighieri, Purgatorio)

The lambs will stop for now. But, Clarice, you judge yourself with all the mercy of the dungeon scales at Threave; you'll have to earn it again and again, the blessed silence. Because it's the plight that drives you, seeing the plight, and the plight will not end, ever. (Hannibal Lecter)

Kilimanjaro is a snow-covered mountain 19,710 feet high, and is said to be the highest mountain in Africa. Its western summit is called the Masai 'Ngaje Ngai', the House of God. Close to the western summit there is the dried and frozen carcass of a leopard. No one has explained what the leopard was seeking at that altitude. (Ernest Hemingway)

Would I embarrass you? Yes, it is possible. You see, I... I am crazy. I take the newer medications, but I still see things that are not here. I just choose not to acknowledge them. Like a diet of the mind, I choose not to indulge certain appetites. Like my appetite for patterns. Perhaps my appetite to imagine and to dream. (A Beautiful Mind)

Night gathers, and now my watch begins.
It shall not end until my death.
I shall take no wife, hold no lands,
father no children.
I shall wear no crowns and win no glory.
I shall live and die at my post.
I am the sword in the darkness.
I am the watcher on the walls.
I am the fire that burns against the cold,
the light that brings the dawn,
the horn that wakes the sleepers,
the shield that guards the realms of men.
I pledge my life and honor to the Night Watch
for this night and all the nights to come.
(GRRM)

Never criticize a person until you walk a mile in their shoes (Atticus Finch)

A warrior for peace is no less a warrior (General Korrd, unwittingly reminding of Yitzhak Rabin)

What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed? Only innocent lives, Peter. (Sirius Black)

Whatever makes a soldier sad will make a killer smile (Leonard Cohen)

I'm rightly tired of the pain I hear and feel, boss. I'm tired of bein on the road, lonely as a robin in the rain. Not never havin no buddy to go on with or tell me where we's comin from or goin to or why. I'm tired of people bein ugly to each other. It feels like pieces of glass in my head. I'm tired of all the times I've wanted to help and couldn't. I'm tired of bein in the dark. Mostly it's the pain. There's too much. If I could end it, I would. But I can't. (John Coffey)

Oh, life! 'tis in an hour like this, with soul beat down and held to knowledge, - as wild, untutored things are forced to feel - Oh, life! 'tis now that I do feel the latent horror in thee! but 'tis not me! that horror's out of me! and with the soft feeling of the human in me, yet will I try to fight ye, ye grim, phantom futures! (Starbuck)

I have dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind. (Charlotte Bronte)

If I know a song of Africa, of the giraffe and the African new moon lying on her back, of the plows in the fields and the sweaty faces of the coffee pickers, does Africa know a song of me? Will the air over the plain quiver with a color that I have had on, or the children invent a game in which my name is, or the full moon throw a shadow over the gravel of the drive that was like me, or will the eagles of the Ngong Hills look out for me? (Karen Blixen)

Do not you recognize me, Dumas? I am the rearguard of the Grande Armee. I have stood at Kovno, and thrown the last muskets in the Niemen. I am Marshal Ney. Give me a bowl of soup. (Attributed to Michel Ney).