The late Heath Ledger has been nominated as "Best Actor in a Supporting Role" for the Joker in the "Dark Knight", and I'm so glad for him. I don't agree with the idea "He was an idiot, he did something stupid and managed to kill himself". I usually say "I can't imagine how he/she feels, but..." This time I know exactly how Heath felt, a year ago from now. I don't know the reason, of course. And no, I would not do the same, I'm not even close. But I know what would bring a person to... no, not suicide, not deliberately, but wanting to sleep, to rest, to end the pain. This quote on IMBD made me shiver: When I get cast in something, I always believe I shouldn't have been cast. I fooled them again. I can't do it. I don't know how to do it. There's a huge amount of anxiety that drowns out any excitement I have toward the project.I was never attracted to him romantically, but after "The Dark Knight" and some glimpses of "Brokeback Mountain" (my aunt has the DVD, got to watch) I realized how he was growing up as a serious actor. They say he turned down the lead role in "Australia" for "Dark Knight", and I try to imagine how different "Australia" would have been with him. Maybe... no, I won't go there. But the tension of the Joker role surely did not help his anxiety. When I think about him I feel like crying and I don't know why. I wish I had known him. I know how stupid it is, lots of people who are not famous die every day and nobody cares about them. But maybe the fact he was famous had a meaning - for example, helping people like me to never, ever want to go that way. Now I want to believe that, wherever he is, he knows what I feel - a green-haired guardian angel. It makes me think about Lucio Dalla's song "Ayrton", whose death of course was an entirely different matter and affected me much more at the moment; I can safely say I got over it after more than 10 years: I understood it was all fakeIf Heath does not win, I'll accept it only if the Oscar goes to Kirk Lazarus. ^^ But I believe he will. |